Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can't put those talents on a resume
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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