You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize