you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
