If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Randomize
