How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
