and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
