So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
