You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
A+ Viking dick
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
