I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
