I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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