hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize