The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
