Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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