everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
