your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
