I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
