She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
