Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
