I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
