I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
