her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
