I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
