eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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