we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
