can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
