how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
