I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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