why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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