his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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