the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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