You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
