I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
