So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize