I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
