I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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