Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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