Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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