Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
