Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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