Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
