don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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