Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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