I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
