so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
