Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
