i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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