all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
