So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just had sex on a roof
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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