and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
