how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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