he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
