This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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