Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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