She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
