I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
