This girl is more easily done than said...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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