I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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