the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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