This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
