I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
