Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
