Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
