You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
