found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
