Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
