So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
