ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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